Today I share about trials in life.
This isn't going to be a light at the end of the tunnel type of story. I'm here to share the crazy parts of life as well. I've never been this open publicly, but why not. If it can help someone who needs to know they're not alone, then why not.
You know life knocks you down sometimes, but then for some of us, it continues for a damn decade. (Yes I said damn... I'm at the point of gatvol)
(Yes I said gatvol too). It's like it just doesn't end no matter how hard you try, how hard you work. No matter how giving you are, how kind-hearted you are. No matter what.
You go through the motions and pick yourself up each time. You trust what you cannot see. You get on your knees and feel like God is just not there. You get to that point of just arguing with Him instead of trusting Him because you are tired of it all. After a while, things look bright, but then with a new month comes the same trials, month in and month out. You remain faithful. You keep moving. You hold onto hope that keeps you going. You become so determined to win, but you keep hitting a wall.
I've been at a point where I was laying on the floor crying out to God in anger. Asking where He is. Telling Him I hate Him for doing this to us. Asking what we did to deserve this. It really does all boil down to this and lots of us have been here at least once.
We do what we need to do, but then it doesn't work out. We try something new and it doesn't work out. We see others doing and trying the same things, and it works out for them, and you wonder, how. I'm in the influencing industry and let's be real, the more followers you have the more likely you are to get that shoot booked. Then I come along and get that one booking on a promo. I'm just being real. I've lived it multiple times. You work your backside off trying to win. You don't ask to be rich, but just to be able to live life instead of just existing.
This year started off with such a low for most of us. We just felt like something was missing and lost all creativity. That slump feels like it's still there and honestly, I don't know what will work to get out of it when I'm not winning here.
So here's how I feel after getting all of that out...
We need you friend. We need you family. We need you God.
Not for finances, but to check in. Check in on that happy friends. Check in on those who laugh alot. Check in on that friendly one who always smiles at you and motivates you. Check in... Because they might not be okay.
Despite me feeling at the end of it all, I still have hope with tears running down my face.
I still trust God, even when it feels like His not there.
I still believe that one day it will get better, even though it feels like that day won't come.
I'll still love.
I'll still smile.
I'll still encourage.
I'll still worship.
I'll still pray.
I'll still exist until I can live.
One day it WILL get better.
One day God WILL come through.
We just need to keep going.
“For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11